The Two Words You Use Everyday That Are Destroying Your Credibility

Monthly 10 Minute Challenge - June 2015

I admit it: I'm a repeat offender. I didn't realize I was making my wife upset and causing unneeded arguments until she pointed it out to me. What was I doing that was unintentionally undermining my communication with my wife? Simple, I was repeatedly using two seemingly innocent English words that should be removed from everyday speech.

Unsurprisingly, I discovered I wasn't using these words only at home, I was using them professionally as well. For this month's 10 minute challenge, I'll show you what I did and how you can quickly stop destroying your credibility when you speak.

Two of the most subtly dangerous words you can use in the English language are "always" and "never". That doesn't seem right, does it? There are many offensive and derogatory words that exist in English and they are generally worse than "always" and "never". So why am I singling out these two words as being so bad? They are dangerous because as soon as those words leave your mouth, you are guaranteed to be wrong.

Use Absolutes With Care

"Always" and "never" are two examples in a class of words called absolutes. Other words that are also in this same category are:

• none
• no one
• nobody
• every
• everybody
• all
• must

The common characteristic that absolute words have is that there is no exception to the subject they are describing. No exception. How often in our modern world is there not an exception to a rule or guideline?

Absolutes Have Invaded Our Vocabulary

In everyday speech, many people use "always" or "never" as a way of overstating a point, such as "it always rains in Seattle" or "uggh, that restaurant never gets my lunch order right". When people say such phrases, it's intended to be obvious that they are over-exaggerating to prove a point. What they are really saying is "it frequently rains in Seattle" and "uggh, that restaurant rarely gets my lunch order right".

Carelessly using absolute words is a sloppy way of speaking. By using absolutes in your language, you:

• weaken credibility: for most arguments using an absolute word, an exception can be found that proves you wrong. If you are wrong about that, why should your audience care about the rest of your message?
• distract your audience: your audience's mind may subconsciously be thinking of examples that prove you wrong. You do not want only part of your audience's attention, you want 100% of their focus to be on you and your message.
• paint the world in black and white: much of the world is not black and white, or right and wrong; it's gray and full of corner cases and "what if" scenarios. [1] By using absolute words, you polarize a topic and divide people into one group or another. As leaders, we should focus our energy on uniting people around a common purpose and goal. Absolute words do not help us achieve that.

The Test

Sometimes it is appropriate to use "always" or "never". It's rare, but I can think of a few examples when you want to use them.

Before you do, get into the habit of testing yourself before you speak or write. If you can replace the word "always" with the phrase "without exception" and your sentence still sounds correct to you, then go ahead and use it. Similarly, replace "never" with the phrase "has not occurred" and check your sentence. You will be surprised how frequently this simple word swap changes the meaning of your sentence.

Using this type of continuous, mental checking of your speech will allow you to develop a habit of speaking without using the words "always" and "never". In your mind, they will become tainted. You will naturally start dropping them from your vocabulary.

Your Challenge

Your challenge this month is to develop a habit to remove "always" and "never" from your vocabulary. Right now, don't worry about the other absolute words in the list above. Simply focus on cutting out "always" and "never".

You and I both know that it will take more than 10 minutes to develop this habit. But you can make the decision now to start practicing and developing your habit.

As leaders in business or community, you cannot afford to continue using reckless words that undermine your goals and your message. Be intentional in your word choice, like you are intentional in your goal setting.

The act of consciously thinking about your words will refine the way you write and speak, and eventually develop into a pattern of thoughtful word choices. This technique is beneficial in many areas, including using positive phrasing to develop a more positive outlook on life.

Take care, and I'll talk to you next time.

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Question: In the comments section, what is one absolute word that you over-use most?

1. To be clear, I personally do not believe the world is truly gray. I believe there are actions in this world that are morally right and others that are morally wrong. However, this is a leadership blog and not a philosophy blog so we won't discuss these here. If you want to unite people with different viewpoints, find beliefs and goals they have in common and speak to those. Do not highlight their differences and try to change people's morality. Changing people's ethical beliefs through argument and debate is a lifelong pursuit that many people undertake with limited success. Personally, I am convinced there are more productive ways to spend your time.

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• The Two Words You Use Everyday That Are Destroying Your Credibility