Image Credit: Image by thetaxhaven used via CC 2.0

Monthly 10 Minute Challenge - May 2015

I was at a dinner parter recently when a bumped into a man I had met once before, but whose name I couldn't recall. Have you ever experienced the awkwardness of knowing you've met someone previously but the person wasn't interesting enough for you to remember their details.

While I was quickly trying to recall where we met, he walked up to me and said "Hi Mitch, great to see you again" and then he preceded to shake my hand. I was impressed. I had assumed that he couldn't remember my name either. Instead, he knew me and he was confident and friendly. Immediately my opinion of the man increased and subconsciously I was primed to be receptive to his ideas and suggestions.

For May's Monthly 10 Minute Challenge we are going to look at why names are so important, and three tips you can use immediately to gain an edge when dealing with employees and colleagues.

A 2006 study 1 provides evidence for a phenomena that is commonly accepted: hearing the sound of our own name evokes a special response in us. As author and guru Dale Carnegie put it, "Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

During the 2006 study, when the participants heard their own name said aloud, several areas of the participant's brains activated, including middle frontal cortex, middle and superior temporal cortex, and cuneus. These areas were not triggered by hearing other people's names that were said in conjunction with their own names.

Indeed, there is something almost magical about hearing someone else call you by name. Luckily for us, we don't need to understand the reasons to be able to make use of the phenomenon.

Tips to help you make better use of people's names

1. Make it a habit:

Like any skill, using people's names smoothly requires practice to do well. Again, like any skill, the best way to improve it is to start and get through the awkward skill-building phase as quickly as possible.

Whenever you are someplace where the employees wear name tags, just try it out! This could be Starbucks, Home Depot, or on an airplane. Start casually using their first names and watch for subtle changes in their body language. The more you do it, the more natural and confident you will appear.

2. Remember their name:

You can't use someone's name if you don't know what it is. To avoid having to admit you forgot (like I was forced to do at the dinner party I mentioned previously), you need to have a strategy and stick to it during your personal encounters.

I hear people say frequently "I'm terrible with names." That is nonsense. You are terrible at things you don't practice. Would you beat yourself up about not being able to run a marathon if you never practiced running? Of course not, so don't feel intimidated trying to remember people's names.

There are many techniques for improving memory and they deserve their own post, but for this month's 10 Minute Challenge, focus only on one: image mnemonics. When you meet someone for the first time, mentally associate their name and face with an tangible item. It's really as simple as that.

For example, if I meet someone named "Boris", then I might associate Boris with a bear. The key to using image mnemonics is to make your mental picture extremely detailed. In this example, I would picture Boris holding a small stuffed toy brown bear that is missing one ear (to make it more detailed). Then I would think hard about that image of Boris with his one-eared stuffed brown bear and that will be enough for me to remember Boris's name, at least for a while.

Secondly, you need to complement your image mnemonic with a more long-term technique. When you get a break, add a note to your phone or notebook describing Boris, the bear, and a few details about him (his employer, his likes/dislikes, etc). Later you can add this information to whatever contact management system you use. Review it once or twice in the following days and chances are you will remember Boris and the bear the next time you two bump into each other.

3. Don't over-do it:

Like all things, the dose makes the poison. If you use someone's name too often when you speak with them, it won't feel intimate and engaging, it will create a feeling of creepiness. Creepiness is not how you want people to remember your encounter.

Until you find a timing that works for your personal style, a good rule to start with is to say their name about once per minute, such as "Absolutely, John, I completely agree with that statement." Work it into the conversation as it flows, don't simply say their name out of context.

Secondly, observe their face and body language when you mention their name. What do they do with their face? Their eyes? Their arms? Do they close off their stance, come closer, or edge farther away from you? All of these can be subtle clues that you are becoming more likable, or conversely, starting to freak them out.

Your Challenge

This month's 10 Minute Challenge not complex. Go to a store or restaurant (where the employees wear name tags) and use someone's name in your conversation with them. For those of you that are over-achievers, try the image mnemonic technique to remember their name for your next encounter.

Take care, and I'll talk to you next time.

1: Brain Activation When Hearing One’s Own and Others’ Names, 2006, Carmody and Lewis

Question: In the comments, post the place and the person who's name you actively tried to remember. For example "Starbucks, Lily".

Three Tips to Use the Power of a Name